Copyright 2014, Susan DeLay
When stores start advertising “back-to-school” sales, I grab my debit card and go shopping for much-needed supplies. While I happen to love clean, lined spiral notebooks and gel pens, there’s another reason I flock to sales that hit the stores before the school year begins.
Cosmetics.
It’s not cosmetics exactly—I’m talking office supplies that double as cosmetics.
Cosmetic emergencies
Go ahead and laugh, but my frugality has helped me save hundreds of dollars on make-up by shopping for certain cosmetic staples at the office supply store or the school supply section at Wal-Mart. Granted they’re not necessarily for everyday application. They’re more for dire make-up and hair emergencies.
After years of experimenting and spending way too much money on expensive cosmetics with French names, I stumbled on a treasure trove of life-saving supplies that can be purchased at an office supply store.
Non-toxic alternatives
Who needs $30 eyeliner when there are non-toxic options available for under a buck? For that matter, who needs $11 eyeliner? Sharpie—magnificent makers of markers—manufactures a fine-point pen that creates a perfect eye-enhancing line above and below the lash line. Pop off the cap and as long as you have a steady hand, you look like Bobbi Brown herself did your make-up. If that’s not enough, the liner stays on until you wash it off with eye make-up remover. Did I mention it’s non-toxic? That’s important, because in the process of learning how to substitute office supplies for cosmetics, I discovered the markers that give you a bit of a buzz might also blind you.
And if you keep your eye on pre-school sales, you can pick up two fine-tip Sharpies for 99 cents. (I have proof. The receipt is in my desk drawer.)
A quick fix with a magic marker
Showing so much gray that they offer you the senior discount? Depending on your hair color, you can do a quick fix with a magic marker. They come in all colors; so if you’re a brunette, pick up brown. Redhead? Brown works. Blonde? Markers come in yellow, but really? If you’re blonde, count your blessings; you can go longer between colorings because it’s pretty hard to see the gray unless someone pulls out a magnifying glass. If you’re into red or rose-colored nail polish and you chip it, a red marker is a temporary fix.
Need a touch up on your eye shadow? Use chalk. Crumble a tiny bit with, oh, say the tip of your magic marker, and you’re in business. Unless you’re going for a clown-like look, blow off any excess.
Dry lips can temporarily be softened up with a swipe of the mysterious fingertip moistener balm that is often called Sortkwik. It’s non-hazardous, OSHA-approved, and retails for $1.79. Warning: it doesn’t taste very good.
If you want color on your lips, you’ll have to spring for a box of colored pencils. I picked up a box of assorted colors on sale for $1, but expect to pay $2.99 unless the first day of school is right around the corner.
Dark circles? I wish I could say the solution is correction fluid. Stark white liquid under my eyes isn’t a good look for me personally, but if you’re Casper or you’re going for Goth, then, by all means.
Please consult your doctor, blah-blah-blah
I’m sure I’d get myself into hot water if I didn’t suggest these might not be appropriate for people with sensitive skin, allergies, aversions to school supplies of any kind; for clowns, people who don’t wear make-up, or children who are too young to wear make-up. Please consult your doctor before trying this at home. Or at work.
Two weekends ago, I purchased a box of magic markers to color the gray ($5), assorted colored pencils ($1), a small pad of Sortkwik ($1.79), Sharpie black fine-points pens (2 for $.99), and a box of colored pastel chalk ($.99). I spent a grand total of $9.77 plus tax. Just to prove my “fine” point, I checked the prices of equivalent cosmetics that have accent marks over at least one vowel or end in “que.” A box of hair color designed specifically to cover roots ($6.99), store-brand lip balm ($1.59), lipstick ($5.97), two eyeliner pencils ($6.99 x 2), assorted eye shadows ($6.49). The total was $35.02 plus tax, which is more than three times my office supply substitutes.
School-supply cosmetics and a roll of duck tape (or is it duct tape?) and I’m the Girl Scout I was trained to be—always prepared.
Too bad I can’t earn a Girl Scout badge for this.
One of my favorite memories with you is our “brown” Sharpie phone conversation! Hilliarious blog–and I must confess I have used the ultra-fine Sharpie as eye liner. Glad I’m not alone!
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Ha! I remember that!
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Love it!!!
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I love your ideas, but since my eyeliners last me about 20 years and I already have four in the cosmetics drawer, I am good until I am well over 120 when I doubt I will wear any makeup.
Pat
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